Conscious Relationship: Unlocking the Fear — A Realization Between My Husband and I
- The Mindful Balance
- Jun 24
- 4 min read
Updated: Jul 22
Unlocking The Fear:
For years, my husband and I have both been doing our own inner work — growing, healing, navigating our trauma responses and belief systems. We come from different life experiences, but often mirror each other’s deep survival patterns. Recently, we had a moment that gave me insight into how subtle — but powerful — those patterns can be.
It started with something small:
He asked me not to lock the outermost door of our home.
He said it was a safety concern — that if there was ever a fire, he didn’t want his family to be trapped.
Immediately, my nervous system bristled.
I had just put decorations out in that space.
My thoughts went to safety too — but a different kind.
I felt like I was protecting our home from strangers, theft, or intrusions.
More locks felt safer.
We were both talking about safety — but speaking from different forms of fear.
Recognition, One Layer at a Time:
🧠 Initial Reaction
I felt the urge to argue. To explain why my choice was more logical or protective. I could feel my stress response — that “I must be right” energy — rising.
💡 First Shift
Within minutes, something in my mind softened.
I paused.
I asked myself: What is really happening underneath this door disagreement?
And the answer was clear:
We are both trying to protect our family.
We’re both acting from love — but also from fear that stems from past experiences. Maybe even ancestral ones.
🌬️ Then I saw it
This wasn’t about a lock or a decoration.
This was about trauma-informed coping strategies trying to feel safe in a chaotic world.
He didn’t want to feel trapped.
I didn’t want to feel exposed.
We were both trying to protect, but from different perceived threats.
The Moment of Compassion:
I unlocked the door.
Not out of submission or avoidance — but from a place of understanding.
That night, I chose to see his fear as valid.
And I also held compassion for mine.
Later, he told me he had been praying for me while I was in the bath.
When I shared my realization with him, he was thankful — and I was too.
Why I’m Sharing This:
Because sometimes healing isn’t poetic or dramatic.
Sometimes it’s quiet.
It’s in the moment you choose not to escalate.
In the second you pause and see the other person’s inner child, trying to protect something precious.
Because fear doesn’t always look like fear.
It can look like control, stubbornness, resistance — or even logic.
But underneath it is a part of us saying:
“I just want to feel safe.”
And when we can recognize that in ourselves and in each other, something softens.
That’s when the lock comes off — not the physical one, but the emotional one.
And we can breathe again.
Your Turn:
Have you ever realized that a disagreement wasn’t really about the thing you were arguing about — but something deeper beneath the surface?
Take a moment to reflect:
When have you or someone you love acted from fear — even if it looked like control, logic, or defensiveness?
Have you had a moment when compassion helped shift the energy between you and another person?
What “door moments” have taught you something about how you protect yourself or your home?
I’d love to hear your stories.
Drop them in the comments, or message me privately if you’d rather share gently.
This space is here to hold real, raw, imperfect-but-beautiful healing moments — especially the ones that don’t always make it into Instagram quotes.
We’re learning how to unlock fear — together. 💛
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Blessed Be,
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