Channel & Ritual—The Gaze That Shrinks Us
- The Mindful Balance
- Jul 10
- 4 min read
Updated: Jul 22
Reclaiming the Wild Woman Beneath the Wanting
Important: This post isn't exclusive to women, or gender, but to all souls who can relate. This perspective is how my channel came in, so I honor it, as is.
This post came through after I watched a channeling by @bathrobespiritual. It was a warning from Lilith about a soul cord connecting me to someone who was still holding power over me. Using my intuition, I discerned who it was and performed a cord-cutting ritual.
What rose up surprised me—anger that I had been unconsciously pulled back into old patterns I thought I had outgrown. This connection had quietly brought me back to habits of shrinking, pleasing, and longing for approval. Habits I thought I’d already buried.
After the ritual, I immediately heard clear clairaudience:
“Please, stay. I want you. I need you. Oh God.” (Benson Boone)
A final grasp from the cord itself—a last plea not to be released.
But this wasn’t just about one person.
This was about all the relationships I’ve had across lifetimes—and the lineage of women before me—who were taught to seek love from those who withheld it, and to shrink themselves so others could feel safe.
There is a silence so many women carry that doesn’t look like silence at all.
It looks like politeness. It looks like laughter that doesn’t reach the ribs. It looks like adjusting your tone to sound “less much.” It looks like leaning forward when a man glances, even if your soul leans away.
This is what we inherited. This is what we’re unlearning.
The Gaze That Shrinks Us Begins Early
Somewhere along the line—generation after generation—we were taught that our value was connected to our visibility. But not just any visibility.
Not being seen for our truth. But being seen for how pleasing, pretty, or palatable we could be.
“Tone that down.”
“Don’t scare him off.”
“You’re just intimidating.”
“Don’t be emotional.”
“He didn’t mean it that way.”
And we learned to cut pieces of ourselves for the gaze that shrinks us. We edited our joy, our pain, our power—to be digestible.
The Gaze Becomes a God
There are men who have looked at us like we were magic. And then when triggered by our power, or when we asked to be held with reverence, they looked away.
And we? We wondered if we were too much. We tried harder. We smiled wider. We twisted and lit ourselves up to be noticed again.
It worked… for a moment. And then we disappeared even more.
But Some of Us Are Remembering
Some of us are waking up mid-shrink. Catching ourselves twisting and asking: Why am I making myself smaller so he’ll see me? Why do I feel flattered by attention that doesn’t honor me? Why do I long for validation from the very gaze that once erased me?
That ache you feel? That friction?
That’s Lilith stirring in your bones.
That’s the voice that says:
“No more shrinking to be seen. No more smiling through dismissal. No more calling a cage a compliment.”
This Isn’t a Shame Post. It’s a Soul Mirror.
To the woman still shrinking: I see you. I was you. And sometimes, I still catch her in me.
But now I know…
The real gaze we long for is our own. The real home is not in his approval, but in our uncontainable fire.
I’m Not Here to Save You
I’m just lighting my torch so you can find your own.
I’m not fixing you. I’m remembering me—and letting the ripples do what they do.
If it sparks grief in you—let it burn.
If it stirs rage—let it howl.
If it brings clarity—let it root.
You don’t owe him another ounce of your shape-shifting.
You are not here to be wanted.
You are here to be whole.
And when you’re whole?
The right ones won’t ask you to shrink.
They’ll rise to meet you in the full flame of your being.
Your Turn:
Take a breath and scan your life gently:
Where are you still seeking approval that shrinks you?
Who do you dim around to feel safe or wanted?
What part of you is ready to stop performing and start returning?
You don’t have to fix anything today. Just notice. Just remember. The flame of your truth doesn’t need permission to burn.
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Until next time,
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This is so beautifully written and right on point. ❤