From Childhood Curiosities to Feminist: The Great Rebalancing – Series Post: 2
- The Mindful Balance
- Mar 11
- 7 min read
Updated: Jul 22
Phase 1 in this series represents many things to me: a journey back to myself—the person I was before the world told me who to be. It is a path of healing—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. And it is a new journey toward reclaiming the power and wisdom that was always mine to hold.
The threads of my spiritual curiosity, creative expression, and feminist awakening were always woven together, even before I had the words to define them. As a child, I was drawn to the earth, to animals, to unseen forces whispering between the trees. As I grew, I became aware of power—who had it, who didn’t, and how it was used to silence or control. I came to understand that rebalancing—within myself and the world—wasn’t just about healing; it was about reclaiming something ancient, something sacred that had been buried beneath generations of forgetting.
Early Spiritual Interests: Childhood
My earliest memories of spirituality weren’t tied to religion but to earth and animal worship. Growing up in a small coastal town in Maine, I was immersed in nature’s rhythms—laying on a blanket and watching the hidden world of insects between blades of grass, swimming in the freezing ocean, and digging through the sand in search of small, forgotten creatures. The sun called me outside, and I answered. I felt a natural connection, reverence, and responsibility for the living things around me.
Even as a young child, I pushed against authority when it conflicted with my innate sense of justice. I once stole lobsters from the fridge and released them onto the lawn, believing they would find their way back to the ocean—completely unaware that the freshwater lake we lived across from wouldn’t sustain them. That instinct—to protect, to challenge the way things were "supposed" to be—was always there.
Creativity was my first form of sacred expression. I spent hours drawing, painting, and coloring, not as an escape, but as an extension of my inner world.
Whispers of the Unseen
At around 10 years old, I was drawn to the unknown, encountering new ways of thinking through my friendships. One friend’s mother practiced Reiki and talked about reincarnation, concepts that felt both foreign and strangely familiar. Another friend introduced me to Wicca. We would creep into cemeteries at night, doing gravestone rubbings and sensing the energy of the space, never out of fear, but with a quiet respect for those who had come before us.
One memory stands out: lighting a candle at my childhood kitchen table—one I still own today—and focusing our will on making the flame move with our hands. To my friend’s recollection, it worked surprisingly well. We held power together, a sacred and unspoken knowing that we were tapping into something real.
I was also surrounded by subtle echoes of older traditions—mothers drying herbs upside down in their kitchens, passing along forgotten wisdom without realizing it. These moments planted seeds that would later grow into my deeper spiritual path.
Feminist Roots, Lost Wisdom, and Rebalancing
By high school, my natural instincts toward justice, protection, and reclaiming lost wisdom started taking shape. Instead of watching the latest teen movies, I sought out documentaries on saving the rainforest and protecting the earth. I befriended anyone who was kind, refusing to let cliques or status dictate my connections.
I began writing poetry in private, a raw and unfiltered outlet for emotions I didn’t yet understand. Music became a sacred experience—I wasn’t just listening; I was feeling, embodying, and processing. The songs I chose mirrored my internal world, validating emotions I had no language for yet.
And for the first time, I became aware of injustice on a deeply personal level. I realized my family’s financial security was a privilege many of my friends didn’t have. I saw disparities between how people were treated, based on gender, class, or perceived worth. These realizations planted the first seeds of my feminist awakening.
My exploration of the unseen world continued. A new friend and I would wander into the woods, visiting what we called the “Indian Burial Ground,” a series of human-sized mounds that pulsed with mystery. We also explored the ruins of an old house, uncovering fragments of lost lives—pottery shards, glass bottles, echoes of the past. Looking back, I recognize this as an early connection to ancestral wisdom—a pull toward history, lineage, and the stories hidden beneath the surface.
A Shift in Spirituality and Power
In the summer after high school, I was drawn into a Non-Denominational Christian Church that emphasized personal experiences of spirit—direct connection, healing, and revelation. I was baptized at 19, embracing this new spiritual framework. Yet even then, something inside me resisted belonging to any one doctrine.
During college, my creative expression deepened—I majored in Art, where I discovered the experience of flow, a sacred and meditative state of creation. I also enrolled in Peace Studies, a class that shattered my perception of the world and opened my eyes to systemic injustice. The first book assigned was Ishmael by Daniel Quinn, a book that changed me.
My love for nature, animals, and advocacy grew stronger—I began rescuing and rehoming rabbits, finding a sense of purpose in giving a voice to the voiceless.
Throughout my life, I was taught—both implicitly and explicitly—that my body was not fully my own. I was sexualized young, learned to stay silent, and conditioned to shrink myself for the comfort of others. These experiences, though painful, became a catalyst for my feminist awakening, my hunger for justice, and my devotion to reclaiming what was stolen: my voice, my power, my sacred autonomy.
The Great Rebalancing
By my mid-30s, life had begun stripping away what no longer served me. I lost loved ones, which led me to explore ancestry. I lost my ability to create freely, as fear from my college experiences overshadowed my artistic expression. I turned instead to graphic design—less vulnerable, less personal.
Then, my greatest catalyst for transformation arrived: chronic illness.
Pregnancy, birth, and the years that followed broke me open in ways I wasn’t prepared for. My body, once reliable, became something unpredictable and painful. I found myself advocating for my health in a world that dismissed my suffering. I was forced to set boundaries—for my survival.
This period of darkness was necessary. I had to grieve, to shed, to be stripped of what wasn’t truly mine. And then, as the dust settled, something ancient began calling me home.
As I deepened my connection to spirituality, I began to see how these wounds weren’t just personal—they were generational. They were part of a much larger story of imbalance, where the feminine had been suppressed, controlled, and severed from its innate wisdom. My journey back to myself became more than just healing my own past; it became a process of remembering, rebalancing, and reclaiming what had been lost—not just for me, but for those who came before and those who will come after.
Reclaiming the Sacred
Light returned in whispers—through meditation, mindfulness, the moon cycles, and signs from spirit. Feathers appeared in my path. Angel numbers repeated. The universe spoke, and this time, I was listening.
I began journaling at night, placing my hand on the pages and asking, “What do I need to see, hear, learn, or feel tonight?” The answers arrived—sometimes in channeled messages, sometimes in synchronicities, sometimes in the quiet knowing that I was exactly where I needed to be.
I now understand that what I am experiencing is not just personal—it is ancestral, collective, and deeply feminine. This journey is about rebalancing the lost wisdom of the divine feminine, reclaiming the power that has been suppressed for generations.
I was always meant to walk this path—from childhood curiosities to feminist, from seeker to healer, from lost to found. And this is only the beginning.
Phase 1: Foundations (Personal & Collective Awakening)
This post sets the foundation for why this series matters—to reclaim what was lost, to heal what was wounded, and to find balance in a world that has long been unbalanced.
The Great Rebalancing is not just mine—it belongs to all of us.
Up Next: The Journey Continues
The next post in Phase 1 of The Great Rebalancing will explore Signs from Spirit, focusing on the unseen guides who have been with me along the way. Stay tuned and continue the journey with me!
If any part of this resonates with you, I invite you to walk this path with me. And if you missed the first post in this series, you can read it here. Drop a comment, share your experiences, or simply sit with this knowing: You are not alone. 🌙 📖
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Blessed Be,
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